Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize