How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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