I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
