Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
