you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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