Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
