I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
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Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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