once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
