garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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