I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
we're so committed to being not committed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
