i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
