What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
