i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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