you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize