i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
