It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
