somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
