She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
