omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
