wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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