I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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