A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
