i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
