I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
