I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
