Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
