I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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