You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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