You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
