sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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