You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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