Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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