i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
