9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
