i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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