Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
