You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
pray to the hookup gods
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
