i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
