i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
