my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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