i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I could fuck to npr.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
