why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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