WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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