I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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