I just cut my nipple shaving
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
