i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
