he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
