if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
