I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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