is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
