This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
