After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
