My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
