I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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