Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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