One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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