the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
