He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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