this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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