He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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