do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
