Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
