I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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