My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
