I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
