From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
