So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
