How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This house was built for laser tag.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
