i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
