ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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