I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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