Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
