I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
