this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
