just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
