my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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